WoW: Sex in Azeroth - the romantic escapades of Paladin Marcus
Some or others will now raise their eyebrows in confusion. Sex in WoW? There's no such thing! There is, and we don't mean the infamous cyber-sexing in Gold Grove. No, this time we want to talk about Azeroth's biggest player: Paladin Marcus.
The website Motherboard has published an article about the alleged rape culture in Goldhain, stating that World of Warcraft has a rape problem. We see it differently.
Dueling occurs before the Lion's Den on most WoW servers.... but not always.
Alright, yes, we'll admit that there's been some changes in the last few years. There's that one horde pair Thrall - sorry - Go'el and Aggra, who have proven at some point they must have done more than just cuddle with each other. Where else would their orc son Durak and the baby with no name, also attributed to the two of them, come from? Then there's the complicated but highly interesting romance between Jaina and Kalecgos that developed during the story "Tides of War." And just think of the eternal dream couple Malfurion and Tyrande, in whose household the lady definitely wears the pants, given how many times the priestess has had to save the druid's fur.
Taboo topics in WoW?
WoW sometimes deals with topics that make some players uncomfortable. For example, in the quest Persuasion at the Amber Flute in the Borean Tundra, you are given a Neural Injector to use on a locked Beryl Wizard until he tells you where Lady Evanor is. Many WoW fans have called for this torture quest to be removed from the game - it's still there, but Blizzard's developers may have removed the injector's graphical effect and the beryl wizard's text for some reason.
In WoW, there's war between factions, death and rebirth, storylines about massacres, and countless acts of human rights concern. It also "glorified" the use of alcohol: the Brewfest once featured the quests "Parade of the Pink Elekks" and "Catch the Wild Wolpertinger!", in which you were supposed to pour alcoholic brew into your hero until you saw pink elekks and wolpertingers. Both missions had to be removed in Europe to prevent World of Warcraft (buy now €14.99 ) content from violating regional age ratings. Which doesn't stop your characters from getting completely sloshed and blotto surviving a 65-metre fall to claim the "Luck is with the Drunk" achievement.... Well then...
Bare breasts in an iron harness
Sex actually plays a minor role in WoW. Given that female heroes have had fairly skimpy bodysuits plastered on their bodies every now and then since World of Warcraft's release, this is surprising. The wonderment has diminished, however, after, say, Banshee Queen Sylvanas was given a demure leather corset in Legion after years of being bare-chested and bare-bellied. Now it's more of a surprise that sex between a wide variety of partners is hinted at in a few items in the game - namely, in the now eight raunchy romance novels available in the game.
Our guess is that there's a designer at Blizzard who has a penchant for "women's fiction" or fanfiction, and therefore gets to come up with new romantic stories with each expansion. The books we want to address are about a man named Marcus; in his first appearance in "A Raunchy Romance Book," a quest-giver who rewards a female mage not with a piece of equipment but with a hot kiss and - the book's text implies - more.
We learn that Marcus is a paladin from the second novel, "Forbidden Love," in which he meets and nibbles the undead rogue Ah'tusa in the tunnels of the Deep Underground. While things are quite explicit in the first two novels, the author's writing becomes more subtle with the third installment, "Northern Revelation." Marcus meets with the gnome warlock Tavi at Dalaran's tavern, "To the Celebrated Hero." Tavi asks if Marcus would like more company, intending to summon a succubus. Unfortunately for her, the ritual fails and a devil dog stands before Marcus. After making the demon disappear again, Tavi confesses to Marcus that her specialty is afflictions and sends him to his knees with a spell. Marcus heals up and says he's only recently taken the path of retribution - "Well, then this promises to be a heck of a lot of fun," says Tavi. You need level 999 to read on.
The follow-up novel "Blue Hours" - where Marcus' playmate is the draenei shaman Soola - also only hints at sex between two characters ("using the language spoken by every people of Azeroth"), while the Pandaria novel "Hot and Wet" hints at plenty of love affairs. Marcus asks Pandaren stablemistress Kama if she's thought about a menage à trois between Marcus, herself, and her lifemate, before Marcus enters the tavern in the mist and flirts with Madame Goya, with whom something must have once gone on. Then, on the upper floor of the tavern - with his "pulsing" sword in hand - he finally encounters two blood elves, one of whom is a priestess who first turns her clothes to ash with her inner fire and then casts Power Word: Endurance on Marcus to make him last long enough to ... well, you know. Goya, by the way, seems to be active not only in the black market trade, but also offering services that border on prostitution - though there's no mention of Marcus paying for his blood elf adventure.
A lot of metaphors used in the slash subgenre in particular show up in the newer books. There's talk of hardened steel, often synonymous with the erect male sex. In another story - "Thick Brass Things" - in which Marcus is mentioned only by a goblin lady named Revi while she's shopping at the engineering store - rockets are invoked for phallic comparison. The novel "Wild Passion" just overflows with innuendo. Again, a sword - this time an enchanted one, "heavy, strangely warm, and smooth in all its length" - must serve as a symbol of masculinity. The story, by the way, revolves around Marcus, who is introduced with the words "We need to work on your grip, it's too tight. Maybe you've got time for some exercise?" to moonshot stablemaster Raven.
Now let's move on to Marcus' Legion adventure with the two High Mountain Tauren, Tanda and Bax Freisucher, from the romance novel "Some Milk?". After Bax catches Marcus with his Tanda, a heated battle ensues in which both Taurean and human lose much of their clothing. As Tanda puts his foot down with a thunderous stomp, Marcus and Bax face each other, sweating, staring at each other as Marcus says the words, "Well, now that we're almost out of clothes..." The story continues, but your good taste keeps you from reading on. It says so right there in the book.
You don't just have to imagine what happens next, you can see it. In Donnertotem there is the hut of Tanda and Bax. Both are lying on the ground asleep, albeit clothed. And every once in a while, a human paladin named Marcus comes running out of the hut saying, "Well, that was really unexpected," as soon as a character comes in who's seen the steaming jewel box.
Two new protagonists?
Meanwhile, we know one thing about the romance novels in WoW: they were written by WoW developer Jonathan LeCraft and illustrated by Eric Browning. In-game, the novels are written by the dwarf Bill Speerfuchtel in Ironforge, Berthold Bricht in Undercity, and Lorenz E. Werkmann in Boralus - the latter of whom wrote the Battle for Azeroth novel Stormy Seas. But first, we have to take another step back to Legion, because while the denizens of Azeroth have received Allied Peoples, romance fans have been treated to three new raunchy adventures that we haven't mentioned yet.
The reason for this is the aforementioned Bill Speerfuchtel, who gives inscription scholars from both the Alliance and Horde in Legion a quest, "Embarrassing Revelation," that takes you to Professor Pallin. As part of the missions, you'll learn the ability to write your own raunchy romance novel, resulting in three new stories, "Of Elven Leatherwork," "The Nightborn of the Living Dead," and "Waves of Desire." Additionally, as part of the quest series, you'll be writing a "Chose your Adventure" romance tale about Count Grabesbann's draenean conquest - more about Grabesbann in a moment.
However, Marcus is not the protagonist of the three novels, but once the dwarf Sir Crispin Greymane and twice the undead Count Crispin Grabesbann. Sir Crispin has the pleasure of freeing a night elf from the hands of ogres, only unfortunately, unfortunately, unfortunately, the pointy-eared lady's armor has been damaged in the brutes' attack. So basically she stands before Crispin half naked, not even bothering to cover her skin. The dwarf can't resist that, and that's why the following words come to his lips: "A spacious carriage is waiting to take you home. I assure you, my driver will not disturb us, while I myself will take care of your well-being. I will do my best to make the ride as pleasant as possible for you." Welfare. In the back seat of a car- eh, a carriage. You know how it is.
The romantic adventures of Count Crispin Grabesbann are no picnic either. In "The Nightborn of the Living Dead" the undead wraps mother Marina and daughter Elonia of the Nightborn around his little finger - or alternatively around his kneecap, which he lost while bowing to Marina. The Nightborn then immediately want to initiate him into the true secrets of the Shal'dorei. In "Waves of Desire," however, he nibbles the Sin'dorei Lady Sonnenhaut, who has kept him waiting. That his sexual arousal was already on overdrive before her arrival is readily apparent from "Count Gravesbane stared out the porthole, watching the waves in their steady ebb and flow, which mirrored the waxing and waning of pain deep within him." It is cute that the book then after the fading out of the actual events still contains allusions to "Bugspriete and Klüsen" - fits the action, which takes place on board a schooner.
Marcus is back!
But why both characters of these Legion novels are called Crispin is unclear. It could be assumed that they are one and the same hero: Sir Crispin passed on and then, upon his resurrection as an undead man to Count Crispin, chose the name Gravebane. Of course we don't know if that's true, we'd have to ask the Blizzard authors.
The latest raunchy romance tale to date, Stormy Seas, returns to Marcus, yay! This time he's trapped aboard a ship with no idea how he got there. The booze, you know.... The only thing he does know is that he must be pretty agitated, because as soon as his Kul Tiranian jailer comes into the brig, the reader knows right away which way the wind is blowing: ""Yes. On a ship. Obviously at full mast," she added with a flirtatious downward glance before looking him in the face again." Although the lady shows signs of resistance, she still succumbs to Marcus' seductive arts and wants to let him in on the secrets of a slip nail- well .... ...into the secrets of a slip nail.
Romance books for the taking
And with that, we leave Marcus alone, but heavily anticipating what his next adventures will entail, now that he's already had his way with the opposite and same sex, as well as several members of the Horde and Alliance. And you now know that there is very much sex in the world of Warcraft, the unbridled and lustful kind, even if the game doesn't suggest it. When it comes to the pairings mentioned at the beginning, WoW fans are more likely to imagine vigorous hand-holding than wild adventures between the sheets.
If you haven't collected the treasure in Tanda and Bax's hut yet, you'll get Marcus.
If you want to stash raunchy romance novels in your bank, there's an easy way to get your hands on the unknown author's machinations. A rare vendor, an undead and shady bookseller named Cravitz Lorent (coordinates: 51,38), appears regularly in the shadowy city of Dalaran. In limited supply at each of his spawns, he has the first seven romance books, which rarely cost more than a few pieces of silver. Cravitz shows up in both the old and new Dalaran! "Some Milk," on the other hand, you'll get from a steaming jewel box located next to Bax and Tanda in their cabin in Hochberg at coordinates 63.59.
Alternatively, choose the Inscriptionist profession and level up through Legion's Inscription Lore to get the chance to write the romance books yourself. "Stormy Seas" can be found by queuing up Lorenz E. Werkmann, who is doing a signing in Boralus.