•   Thursday, May 26, 2022
World of Warcraft

WoW: Sex in Azeroth - the romantic escapades of the paladin Marcus

Note from February 11, 2021: While we were looking for another article, we came across this one and wondered: What has Marcus been up to in Battle for Azeroth? Is he out and about in the Shadowlands as well? Spoiler: Yep, we'll cover the new books below!


Please, dear readers, do not turn away blushing with shame because we mention the word sex in connection with World of Warcraft. We're not talking about the cybersex activities of hardcore roleplayers at the "Lion's Den" inn in Goldhain. No, it's about the actual evidence of wild passions of NPCs in World of Warcraft, a game where war is always writ large and love quite small.

Duels occur before the Lion's Den on most WoW servers.... but not always. Source: buffed Well, yes, we admit that something has happened there in recent years. There's the one horde couple Thrall - sorry - Go'el and Aggra, who have proven to have done more than just cuddle with each other at some point. Where else would their orc son Durak and the baby with no name, also attributed to the two, come from? Then there's the complicated but highly interesting romance between Jaina and Kalecgos that developed during the story "Tides of War." And just think of the eternal dream couple Malfurion and Tyrande, in whose household the lady definitely wears the pants, given how often the priestess has had to save the druid's fur.

Taboo topics in WoW?

WoW sometimes deals with topics that make some players uncomfortable. For example, in the quest Persuasion at the Amber Flute in the Borean Tundra, you're given a neural injector to use on a locked Beryl Wizard until he tells you where Lady Evanor is. Many WoW fans have demanded that this torture quest be removed from the game - it's still there, though it can be assumed that Blizzard's developers removed the injector's graphic effect and the beryl wizard's text for reasons.

In WoW, there's war between factions, death and rebirth, stories about massacres and countless acts that are questionable in terms of human rights. It also "glorified" the use of alcohol: For the Brewfest, there were once the quests "Parade of the Pink Elekks" and "Catch the Wild Wolpertinger!" in which you were supposed to pour alcoholic brew into your hero until you saw pink elekks and wolpertingers. Both missions had to be removed in Europe to prevent World of Warcraft (buy now €14.99 )

content from violating regional age ratings. Which doesn't stop your characters from getting completely sloshed and blotto surviving a 65-meter fall to score the "Luck is with the Drunk" achievement.... Well then...

Bare breasts in ironclad

Sex actually plays a minor role in WoW. Considering the fact that female heroes have had rather skimpy bodysuits fitted to their bodies every now and then since the release of World of Warcraft, this is surprising. However, the surprise has diminished after, for example, Banshee Queen Sylvanas has now been given a demure leather corset with Legion after years of being bare-chested and bare-bellied. Now it's rather a surprise that in a few items in the game sex between the most different partners is hinted at - indeed, in the now eight raunchy romance novels available in the game.

Marcus, Loverboy of Azeroth Source: buffed

Our guess is that there's a designer at Blizzard who has a penchant for "women's fiction" or fanfiction, and therefore gets to come up with new romantic stories with each expansion. The books we want to address are about a man named Marcus; in his first appearance in "A Slippery Romance Book," a quest-giver who rewards a female mage not with a piece of equipment but with a hot kiss and - the book's text implies - more.

We learn that Marcus is a paladin from the second novel, "Forbidden Love," in which he meets and nibbles the undead rogue Ah'tusa in the tunnels of the Deep Underground. While things are quite explicit in the first two novels, the author's writing becomes more subtle with the third installment, "Northern Revelation." Marcus meets with the gnome warlock Tavi at Dalaran's tavern, "To the Celebrated Hero." Tavi asks if Marcus would like more company, intending to summon a succubus. Unfortunately, the ritual fails and Marcus is confronted with a devil dog. After making the demon disappear again, Tavi confesses to Marcus that her specialty is afflictions and sends him to his knees with a spell. Marcus heals up and says he's only recently taken the path of retribution - "Well, then, this promises to be a lot of fun," Tavi says. You need level 999 to read on.

The follow-up novel "Blue Hours" - where Marcus' playmate is the Draenei shaman Soola - also only hints at sex between two characters ("with the language that every people of Azeroth speaks"), while the Pandaria novel "Hot and Wet" hints at plenty of love affairs. Marcus asks Pandaren stablemistress Kama if she's thought about a menage à trois between Marcus, herself, and her partner, before Marcus enters the tavern in the mist and flirts with Madame Goya, with whom something must have once gone on. Then, on the upper floor of the tavern, he finally meets - with his "pulsing" sword in hand - two blood elves, one of whom is a priestess, who first turns her clothes to ash with her inner fire and then casts Power Word: Endurance on Marcus so that he can last long enough ... well, you know. Goya, by the way, seems to be active not only in the black market trade, but also offering services that border on prostitution - although there is no mention of Marcus paying for his blood elf adventure.

Fanfiction for advanced readers

Raven also has Marcus wrapped around his finger. Source: buffed

In the newer books, many metaphors appear that are used in the slash subgenre. There's talk of hardened steel, often the synonym for the erect male sex. In another story - "Thick Brass Things" - in which Marcus is mentioned only by a goblin lady named Revi while shopping at the engineering store - rockets are invoked for phallic comparison. The novel "Wild Passion" just overflows with innuendo. Again, a sword - this time an enchanted one, "heavy, strangely warm and smooth in all its length" - must serve as a symbol of masculinity. The story, by the way, revolves around Marcus, who is introduced with the words "We need to work on your grip, it's too tight. Maybe you have time to do some exercises?" to moonstruck stablemaster Raven.

Now let's move on to Marcus' Legion adventure with the two High Mountain Tauren Tanda and Bax Freisucher from the romance novel "Some Milk?". After Bax catches Marcus with his Tanda, a heated battle ensues in which both Taurean and human lose much of their clothing. As Tanda puts his foot down with a thunderous stomp, Marcus and Bax face each other, sweating, staring at each other as Marcus says the words, "Well, now that we're almost out of clothes..." The story continues, but your good taste keeps you from reading on. This is what the book says.

Cravitz Lorent sells romance novels at Dalaran's Shady Side. Source: buffed You don't just have to think about what happens next, you can see it. In Donnertotem there is the hut of Tanda and Bax. Both lie asleep on the ground, albeit clothed. And every now and then, a human paladin named Marcus comes running out of the hut, saying, "Well, that was really unexpected," as soon as a character enters who has glimpsed the steaming jewelry box.

Two new protagonists?

Meanwhile, we know one thing about the romance novels in WoW: they were written by WoW developer Jonathan LeCraft and illustrated by Eric Browning. In the game, the novels are written by the dwarf Bill Speerfuchtel in Ironforge, Berthold Bricht in Undercity, and Lorenz E. Werkmann in Boralus - the latter having written the Battle for Azeroth novel Stormy Seas. But first, we have to take another step back to Legion, because while the inhabitants of Azeroth have received Allied Peoples, romance fans have been given three new raunchy adventures that we haven't mentioned yet.

The reason for this is the aforementioned Bill Speerfuchtel, who gives inscription scholars from the Alliance and the Horde in Legion a quest: "Embarrassing Revelation," which takes you to Professor Pallin. As part of the missions, you'll learn the ability to write your own raunchy romance novel, resulting in three new stories, "Of Elven Leatherwork," "The Nightborn of the Living Dead," and "Waves of Desire." Additionally, as part of the quest series, you'll write a "Chose your Adventure" novel about Count Grabesbann's Draenean conquest - more about Grabesbann in a moment.

However, Marcus is not the protagonist of the three novels, but once the dwarf Sir Crispin Greymane and twice the undead Count Crispin Grabesbann. Sir Crispin has the pleasure of freeing a night elf from the hands of ogres, only unfortunately, unfortunately, unfortunately, the pointy-eared lady's armor has been damaged in the attack by the brutes. So basically she stands half naked in front of Crispin, not even bothering to cover her skin. The dwarf can't resist that, and that's why the following words cross his lips: "A spacious carriage is waiting to take you home. I assure you, my driver will not disturb us, while I myself will take care of your well-being. I will do my best to make the journey as pleasant as possible for you." Welfare. In the back seat of a car- eh, a carriage. You know how it is.



The romantic adventures of Count Crispin Grabesbann are no exception. In "The Nightborn of the Living Dead", the undead wraps mother Marina and daughter Elonia of the Nightborn around his little finger with little effort - or alternatively around his falling off kneecap, which he lost while bowing to Marina. The Nightborn then immediately want to initiate him into the true secrets of the Shal'dorei. In "Waves of Desire," on the other hand, he nibbles the Sin'dorei Lady Sonnenhaut, who has kept him waiting. That his sexual arousal was already at full speed before her arrival is readily apparent from "Count Grabesbann stared out the porthole, watching the waves in their steady ebb and flow, which reflected the waxing and waning of pain deep within him." It is cute that the book then after the fading out of the actual events still contains allusions to "Bugspriete and Klüsen" - fits the plot, which takes place on board a schooner.

Marcus is back!

However, why both characters in these Legion novels are called Crispin is unclear. It could be assumed that they are also one and the same hero: Sir Crispin has blessed the temporal and then at his resurrection as undead to Count Crispin chose the name Gravesbane. Of course, we don't know if this is true, we'd have to ask the Blizzard authors.

The latest raunchy romance novel so far, Stormy Seas, returns to Marcus, yay! This time he's trapped aboard a ship with no idea how he got there. The booze, you know.... The only thing he does know is that he must be pretty agitated, because as soon as his Kul Tiranian jailer comes into the brig, the reader knows right away which way the wind is blowing: ""Yes. On a ship. Obviously at full mast," she added with a flirtatious downward glance before looking him in the face again." Although the lady shows signs of resistance, she nevertheless succumbs to Marcus' seductive arts and wants to let him in on the secrets of a slip nail- well ... initiate him.

Get your hands on a romantic book

And with that, we leave Marcus alone, but eager to see what his next adventures will bring, now that he's already had his way with the opposite and same sex, as well as several members of the Horde and the Alliance. And you now know that there is very much sex in the world of Warcraft, the unbridled and lustful kind, even if the game doesn't suggest it. When it comes to the pairings mentioned at the beginning, WoW fans are more likely to imagine fierce hand-holding than wild adventures between the sheets.

Who has not yet collected the treasure in Tanda's and Bax's hut, catch Marcus. Source: buffed

If you want to stash raunchy romance novels in your bank, there's an easy way to get your hands on the unknown author's machinations. In the shady side of Dalaran, a rare vendor appears regularly, an undead and shady book seller named Cravitz Lorent (coordinates: 51,38). In limited supply, he has the first seven romance books at each of his spawns, which rarely cost more than a few pieces of silver. Cravitz shows up in both the old and new Dalaran! "Some Milk," on the other hand, you'll get from a steaming jewelry box located next to Bax and Tanda in their hut in Hochberg at coordinates 63.59.

Alternatively, choose the Inscriptionist profession and level up through Legion's Inscription Lore to get the chance to write the romance books yourself. "Stormy Seas" can be found by queuing up Lorenz E. Werkmann, who is giving an autograph session in Boralus.

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